Crime & Safety

Family Affair Ends in Bad Injuries, Jail Time

Also, cops say teen was just asking to get arrested. Really.

Somebody did something bad to someone else who was sort of related to the first guy, but maybe not.

That's about as far as our brains got when trying to make sense of a case where a .

In his plea, the man said the victim “was beating up on my little sister and a fight broke out”—a fight that led to the victim receiving a chest laceration, a broken rib and a collapsed lung.

Find out what's happening in Bloomfieldwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Ok. We're following it so far.

But the next few details, courtesy of West Deptford Patch, had us struggling to understand the branches of this seemingly tangled family tree.

Find out what's happening in Bloomfieldwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

From our West Deptford site's report:

The victim was identified as the ex-boyfriend of [the man]’s aunt, who considers [the man] her son. The sister [the man] alluded to is actually his cousin, who was having the baby shower.

Also, Dark Helmet is Lone Star's father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. And the two of them didn't get along so well either.

(Actually, it made sense after the third or fourth time we read it. But we still advise having a few sips of coffee before trying to parse those connections.)

Anyway, the man admitted his guilt in exchange for a seven-year sentence.

It sounds like the fight got pretty rough overall. A co-defendant in the case is charged with aggravated assault for allegedly breaking another man's eye socket in the fight.

Here's hoping the next family gathering goes a little more smoothly.

Each Monday, Patch takes a peek at some of the more surprising, shocking, stunning and occasionally silly police-related incidents reported throughout New Jersey for "OMGs from NJ PDs." Some of the other reports:

To Protect and to Serve: You can't just walk into a police station and tell the cops what to do. Well, unless you're telling the cops to arrest you. A Westfield resident . The 19-year-old walked into the lobby of the , started yelling threats and obscenities at the dispatcher, and asked to be arrested, according to a press release distributed by the department. An officer obliged. He placed the man under arrest and charged him with disorderly conduct and underage possession of alcohol.

Smoking Mother Nature, But Not Respecting Her: Here's our OMG Criminal Mastermind Tip of the Week: When you're driving around with drugs in your car (yeah, don't actually do that, by the way), keep your tail lights in working order, don't speed, and try to avoid giving the finger to any passing cops. And it follows that it's probably a bad idea to let loose your inner litterbug as a patrol car goes by. But Lawrence Township police , and they quickly found the driver in possession of marijuana (that's right, we just used the word "whence" in writing that didn't involve a quill). If the driver had just given enough of a hoot not to pollute, the whole thing might have been avoided.

ShopRite, RobWrong: He could evade patrol cars and even a state police helicopter, but the man accused of stealing $300 in cash from a gas station attendant in West Caldwell couldn't avoid the watchful eye of a ShopRite employee. Police say the alleged robber , drenched and wearing muddy clothing, and asked to use a bathroom and call a cab. While the man was cleaning up, store employees were calling the cops.


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