Community Corner

Hope After Despair: A 9/11 Widow Tells Her Story

Jennifer Gardner Trulson will read excerpts from her memoir, "Where You Left Me," at the Princeton Public Library.

On Sept. 11, 2001, Doug Gardner went to the gym and then enjoyed a homemade pancake breakfast with his family.

He pulled out a video camera and asked his kids about their teachers and what they were looking forward to during the school year. Michael, 4, would start kindergarten that day. Julia, 2, was about to start preschool.

And then Doug was gone.

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He left the couple’s Manhattan apartment and went to work at Cantor Fitzgerald, an equity firm located at the World Trade Center in New York City.

That morning two commercial airplanes, hijacked by Islamic terrorists crashed into the killing nearly 3,000 people and leaving the world in stunned disbelief.

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Doug was on the 105th floor of the North Tower. 

Doug’s wife, Jennifer, was in the couple’s apartment as the terror unfolded, her eyes glued to the television. She knew the instant Doug died.

“(The tower) hadn’t fallen yet but I knew he was gone,” Jennifer recalled. “I felt him leave me, slam out of my chest like an astronaut hurtling into space with a torn lifeline.”

This month Jennifer released a memoir about her experience, titled “Where You Left Me,” published by Gallery Books, a division of Simon and Schuster.

On Thursday, Sept. 15 at 7 p.m., she will speak at the . Jennifer chose Princeton as a stop on her book tour because it's home to her sister and brother-in-law, Jayme and Scott Feldman.

While Jennifer’s story is filled with sadness, there is also hope. Less than a year after Doug died, Jennifer was walking through a restaurant when a stranger accidentally stepped on her foot.

That man, Derek Trulson, became a friend.

He (Derek) offered us a mini vacation from our lives,” Jennifer said. “It was nice to hear about normal life. We slowly started to become closer and then it became deniable that we were becoming a family.”

Jennifer and Derek were married in 2005.

“He encourages the kids to remember their dad,” Jennifer said. “And in a way it seems that Derek knew Doug because he knows the stories as well as we do and that makes it easier for the kids.

Jennifer Gardner Trulson said she never intended to write a book; she was simply trying to collect memories of Doug, saving emails and even talking into a handheld tape recorder.

“After Doug died, one of my panicked thoughts was ‘How will I give Doug to my children,’” she said. “I did not want his memory to be diluted by time. I didn’t want his memory to be a ghost. “

In 2009, a friend suggested that she begin to organize the material.

Once Trulson started writing, she couldn’t stop.

“It started pouring out of me,” she said. “There were tears and laughter and suddenly Doug was vivid again. With the 10 year anniversary, I thought maybe this is the time to tell the story and maybe others would find kindred spirit whether you had my kind of loss or not.  

“I certainly don’t have a monopoly on pain or loss, but maybe this will help someone who thought tomorrow would never come. Life turns on a dime for both the worst and for the better. “

On Sunday, the 10th anniversary of Sept. 11, Trulson and her family plan to a Cantor Fitzgerald Memorial Service.

“It’s hard to predict how you’ll feel that day,” Trulson said. “It’s raw, it’s hard to get used to turning of the calendar from August to September, there have only been 10 of them.  His loss and death are something I never get use to, and frankly don’t want to. “

And what would Doug think of her Jennifer’s life today?

“I know he would be proud of the kids,” she said. “I know he would burst with joy watching how athletic and empathic and solid they and I hope he would think I would think I was doing a good job, but I’m sure he would have some suggestions and I miss that. Oh God, do I miss that.

“Everything I do, is to try to ensure that my kids are everything that would have been had Doug lived. If they’re OK, I’m OK.”


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