The women I play tennis with meet a few times a year for a brunch or dinner.  It’s usually a pot-luck affair at someone’s house. On these occasions, a hostess gift is considered unnecessary. It’s kind of an unspoken pact we’ve all made: just bring the food you’ve promised. One time, though, someone broke the pact and wrapped up a dreadful ceramic clown for the hostess (which, as I recall, was me). At our next gathering, I wrapped up the dreadful clown for the new hostess. It’s become a ritual to wrap and pass the clown, and since I’m rarely invited to anything else, I haven’t really had to worry much about hostess gifts beyond that.

But the rest of you party animals are sure to be house hopping quite a bit this season (if you haven’t hopped already) and Patch wondered, “What are people bringing to thank their hosts these days?”

Wine, wine, wine, is the most favored refrain. “In a town of BYO restaurants, wine is always appropriate,” said many of the guests we queried.

However, some people find it intimidating to bring wine to the home of someone who is, say, a wine connoisseur. If you find yourself in that situation, or if you just want to do something different, here are some things that your friends and neighbors stock up on for when they’re invited around.

• A big box of peppermint bark
• A bottle of really good olive oil
• A really good candle
• Note cards, especially of local scenes (such as from artist Stefanie Silverman)
• Chocolates from (“The Chocolate Path wraps them nicely!”)
• A special bottle of champagne (sooner or later everyone has a special occasion to celebrate)
• A parlor game (my favorite is Apples to Apples) or coffee table “conversation cards”

Two ideas, which were more “organic,” were not things you could keep a ready stash of, but were simple, elegant and lasting.

• An unusual houseplant
• A simple hand-written note on a beautiful piece of stationary (“Don’t we all have enough ‘stuff’?” mused this guest.)

However, in a town where everything seems to spark some level of controversy, sometimes not even a hostess gift can remain innocuous.

“Hostess gifts?” wrote one respondent. “Look, I understand one has to pass out Goody Bags to children who attend birthday parties in order to undo the ‘present envy’ that little tykes suffer. I also understand handing over a bottle of red to someone who invites you to dinner. But this ‘hostess gift’ thing has now become a Frankenstein issue. One is shamed into a corner at a social event unless one's hostess gift is akin to a Blue Angels Flyover.”

Finally, the most creative suggestion:

“My husband gives the gift of thoughtfulness. While the host or hostess is busy hosting us, he picks up their PDA (most people keep it in the kitchen) and puts his birthday in their electronic calendar. Or, if he can't find their Blackberry,
Droid or iPhone, he turns to the December page and writes it on their kitchen wall calendar. That way, they don't forget his birthday, and he enables their success at being thoughtful. (Revealing his name might jeopardize future invitations, so please refrain. It has nothing to do with the fact that I’m mortified.)”

And you? What do you bring when you go a-calling? Share your ideas in the comments section.